I walked the full walk for the Coldest Night of the Year 2017 for Start Me Up Niagara. Start Me Up Niagara's business is booming, but for the wrong reasons. Sadness and hurt is ubiquitous with personal pain taking priority over social peace. The organization tries to put into place hands on solutions that produce long term change for people, instead of just feeding an empty belly for a night, or for a few days. They pursue the concept that all people have value, not just those that are reaping most of society's rewards.
This winter has been rough for me with the death of my mother last fall, only to be followed by the knowledge and helplessness of my father dying before me. To me, it is though society has been taking a turn in a different direction and we all feel like helpless pawns trying to fight against the forces that try to keep us all down. Members of my profession are susceptible to mental health issues because people do not approach us when their lives are doing well, when optimism speaks the day. We spend our time receiving, analyzing, outputting and speaking out, filing complaints, approaching people who are less than happy to see us, only to be misunderstood by those for whom we speak at times, as well as our colleagues.
Niagara Region is not a nice place to live and do the type of work that I do, without expecting to have some of it rub on you. It is part of the compassion of my advocacy and my practice. I actually give a damn about the people that come in to see us. I've often considered the work of Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs ... my people are at all sorts of levels of that ladder, although nobody I know has truly reached the top of personal fulfillment. At this time of the year, it is so hard to keep going ... people around me are talking about the spring as though the spring can only bring blessings and freedom from this chronic darkness. I spoke to the cab driver that took me here who told me as he let me off to keep your stick on the ice. His eyes seemed to know how I was feeling, though I mentioned none of it ... he did mentioned so many people are hurting and cranky today.
This world is not the world that folks like my mother and father built. My mother and father lived in a different world, in a different time ... perhaps, when we didn't know so much about the dangers of smoking and other things like that. Growing up, I always noted people being mostly of an 'average' type, although I tended to thrive among the intellectuals. We intellectuals would discuss anything, ranging from the eventual usefulness of learning the Pythagorean Theorem, to remembering the name of every bone and muscle in the human body and the periodic table. At the same time, I watched the world evolve into something that I no longer understand or want more of. My grandfather who I adored throughout his long life is probably rolling in his grave if he knew what the world has consisted of today. He always taught me to remain strong, think for myself and keep fighting for justice.
In my working world, it is all computers, cloud technology, server technology and legal rigidity. It is a controlled environment in some way, where we can give others the gift of a certain amount of peace and control in their lives. Experiencing things, hearing things, doing things and then writing up memos about all of that becomes the life of law. I continue to want and need the people around me that I have, as when I am not at work there is less of that, but more raw human emotions and amorphous anger directed at no particular direction. I walk out of my office tonight. One fellow is yelling and screaming obscenities down King Street, kicking over every garbage can or other chattel that moves. Another fellow mumbled words only he knew what they meant, while giving us all the starry eye and that scary grin. In the housing of the bank machines, people lie down and make themselves at home there. They tell me they won't go to a shelter.
The world my mother and father were part of was one where everybody worked for a decent wage or produced decent wages for others, while looking forward to a decent retirement where the thought of mere survival and struggle was distant. During my mother and father's time, people cared for one another, for their neighbours and did not mind having a government that also gave a damn. My mother would tell me of how she grew up in a time that even rock and roll music was so new, so different and unabashedly rebellious. Nevertheless, she felt the growth of illicit drug use led to where we are today, but then again, she faced her own comeuppance. She married the man she thought would take care of her and us for the rest of her life, but that did not turn out right. My father picked up and left my mother for what he saw were greener pastures, though that did not prove rewarding for him in the long run either. At one time, there were consequences for one's actions ... or at least some expectation that one would apologize or at least forgive.
The fact that my mother passed away and my father is on his way to his own fate reminds me of the era that both of them lived through and hoped for our next generation passing on as well, and moving to a new ambiguous future where public anger results in the rise of people like Donald Trump and favouring policies like Brexit ... looking for solutions in politicians that create both impossible expectations and unanticipated grief for way too many ... the people want this, so why not they justify their stake into the very heart of society. Society becomes an unnecessary force, as worship of the individual takes over, the thought that one strong man can make it right, is as scary as it sounds ... I try to explain to people the elements of contagion theory and a voice of authority quietly condoning violence and hatred of the latest scapegoat group, or even joking about it to a large crowd of angry supporters ... is something that is as dangerous today, as it has always been. Sometimes our first instincts, our first spark of anger and our desires arising from them are not necessarily the panacea we should be seeking.
In today's unabated community of 'alternative facts' and so-called fake news, society is approaching its pinnacle in its anomie. The progressive forces of society not only have to fight the tendency of celebrity worship sharing the same old neoliberal concepts to run a government, whilst ignoring the very real consequences of a society going under, but to help people away from harming their own interests. I tell people close to me what it was like for me to work in the mental health system when our province was headed by Mike Harris, who as his first move when elected slashed welfare rates, fired numerous civil servants and started the downward curve in health care coverage. This is when I realized that the old era had ended and a new, scary reality was taking shape. I do truly believe we never truly recovered from that period. In my darkest moments, I still remember those who have died or have lost everything they owned or even their families or loved ones through Mike the Knife's slash and burn policies.
Those who worked alongside me back then are either dead or still wear their scars. Occasionally, I meet one of them who appear very surprised to see me owning a legal office and partaking in rights-based litigation these days. At the same time, I try to provide support and avenues for others to practice and to partake in profit sharing with me. I also provide ongoing support and mentoring to others in the profession, many of whom just had too much. Many stopped believing in what they do or what they are worth. It's about the world and what it has been coming to. It's about society telling people they are on their own, regardless. I don't want to see the world turn out like that. I want to stand up and make a difference where I can. It is just sometimes so hard to see where I am going with this. Some tell me it is about the ripple in the water the stone I make creates, as it broadens it scope to cover more ground. Being a survivor is not all about glory and celebrity; it is grit and hard work, and many times hard feelings.
Click the links throughout this post and you will hear songs/videos replaying elements of the world I am referring herein. Would be interested in your thoughts.
